Delphine G Ngehndab

My sister told me a story about a guy who dated her for five years, promised to get married to her and before the five years were over, he took unto another woman, married her and was still seeing my sister months after his marriage to the other woman. When my sister told me, I was so distraught and would have had that man locked up for being dishonest, for emotionally and even psychologically causing pain to two women at the same time. I wonder how the new wife would feel if it was revealed to her that her husband was cheating on her before, during and after the marriage as it was the case. Since many women seem to be desperate to get married, in dire need to change their marital status and names, they would settle for anything, take any crap and still succumb to the man in spite of some men’s cheating habits.

If you know me and have a similar story which resonates with what I am saying, do not feel otherwise thinking it is your story alone. It happened to my sister, and many others so do not take this personal. I think if women suffered such fates from vein men, it is high time women begin to open up and expose these vices rather than stay quiet and ache to death. While you weep the man glories in the comfort of his wife who must have condoned his cheating on her by forgiving him. Some would ask, “What do you expect”? Yes, he deserves that first time forgiveness (I bet you some women won’t tolerate it first time or not), but how sure are we that he cheated on one woman alone?. The choice and decision for the wife to forgive her husband, is her concern, but the decision for the man to change, is his alone. You would agree that we would prosecute those who kill using guns and bombs and charge them. Killing cannot be solely physical, it can be emotional too. The worst thing about emotional pain is that, it does not heal completely because the memories when retrieved are as painful as the initial hurt. Physical pain on the other hand gets healed, and only the painless scars can serve as a remembrance of the pain. I know that some people would argue the case of people who are killed as a result of physical pain caused by others. That in itself is a different ball game.

If you are a man and you have read this narrative, try as much as possible to make a choice, to make a decision not to be heartless. If you do not want to get married to someone do not tell them the contrary. If you want a relationship, be clear up front. A woman can never force you to get married to her if you do not make the choice and decision to do so. Be responsible men just as you would want a responsible man to treat your daughter nicely, so too, be that example. I am fed up, upset, angry against all these aches caused by men on women. Do not misconstrue my intent here. I only want people to be truthful, to avoid hurting others, and I do not want you a woman reading this to think that women are angels. Neither do I want you a man, reading this to think that I am bias. Women are sometimes, even worse than men even when covered by the front of church, Jesus and daily Godly quotes published every day on their Facebook statuses.

Let’s seize the opportunity to build an emotionally hurt-free world if we have the power to do so.

Wishing you all the best candies Heaven can offer.

Seize every opportunity to be nice for we live in a world that is not ours.

I was reading a simple and very activity-illustrated children’s book by Anthony Browne. As I read the title and author to my little princess, she immediately asked “who is this?.” referring to the monkey riding a bike in front of the page.

Being me, I said “it is a monkey”, but she was not convinced that a monkey would ride a bike, paint a picture, play with toys, kick a ball, bake a cake, and have a birthday party.

She remarked that the monkey was not an ordinary one but one who looked like a boy who loved to do things. Innocently, she said “mama, boy monkey, kicking ball”. In response, I said, it is not a “boy monkey”, it is a monkey.

Put off by the racial undertones that my princess helped me to re-interprete, I decided to shove the book aside and took on another. Unfortunately, I had lost interest in reading any book just like my daughter became disinterested in the subsequent books I wanted to share with her. Not that she understood the racial underlying meanings, but that she had had enough. So, we went on to watch Telly.

I was disturbed, distraught and it dawned on me that these are the realities our ‘brown’ kids have to deal with growing up in the West. How do we make them see value if we engage in accepting to reading books to them that have buried meanings. I borrowed the book from the library with little knowledge of what it was till I got home. And no one from the library told me I could find the illustrations disturbing.

It saddens me that such an highly respected and prolific children’s author illustrates his writings with pictures which suggest he may be a racist. I was sad for a whole day. Take it that I have nothing to do, but this is the third book in less than three months that I find racially offensive and is brought to me by my local library. I am going to write to the library and will update you on their response.

Take a look at the illustrations and tell me whether I was reading too much to it.

Many thanks.

Delphine

The excitement that followed the judges’ approval of the trio dance group trended their video online specifically amongst Africans in the Diaspora and at home. One of the talent groups on last Saturday’s Britain’s Got Talent show on ITV television has been one of the most shared video amongst my virtual circle of friends since the show started. It is rather surprising to me that people begin to draw both cultural and national identities to be seen to relate more with “CEO dancers” as the group is called. My question, are people that desperate to have their nations make them proud, are people always waiting for the slightest opportunity to brag about being from this and that part of Africa? What difference does it make in bragging about being from this or that country or have links with this or that culture. Does it make you a better person?

I glean the point here; to unite and share a common dance culture which would otherwise be absent in the global dance stage, and would probably not be broadcast on any television stations here in Britain, but for the likes of private African television stations . By cursory glance at shared comments I noted that the dance pushed people to debate the nationalities of the dancers most of whom think the trio are Nigerians (from naija). We see the interplay of nationhood, the urge for people to be proud of their nation with many debating whether they were Ugandans, Nigerians or Ghanians. These attempts to strictly identify their nationalities, speak to the attempt of people desiring to share a nationhood, and shared conceptual maps. This also, may help to further fragment people, alienate others and create an interest of the need to belong. I do applaud the dancers for daring to take what is unfamiliar to “British dance taste” and make it palatable and acceptable.

My principal concern is what would come out of the dance. Is there more to shake your bum, bum other than shake your bum bum? The fundamental question which seemed to have eluded the judges is whether the dance skills of the trio and their potential is worth the price of the winner of Britain’s Got Talent. Amazed that Simon Cowell, the principal judge of the talent show, failed to frankly mention this as he is known for. But a few, who commented under the video links shared, question the merit of the dance. They seem to recognise the competitiveness that is involved in emerging a winner of the show.

The dancers performed, but my fear is that they may not progress as much unless they engage in competitive dancing with wowing moves and not the “shaki shaki your bum bum” moves. Lets see what moves they will get next, and good luck girls!

P.S. I just asked myself if they practised this dance routine just for their friend who acknowledged to “like” Simon Cowell so she gets the chance to actually see him and tell him how she likes him.

Here is a link to the video: 

My viewing habits…posing, reading and all the fun involved. Photo: E.F.

I am a Cameroonian in Britain. I watch BBC One news bulletins and Channel 4 news most of the times. Occasionally, I look forward to “Escape to the Country”, “Deal or no Deal”, “X-Factor”, and “Come Dine with me”. Although I have access to other channels which allows me to navigate the television world, I sparingly watch programmes out of these two channels. I will later on explore my interests in the above preferred programmes. I reckon many people watch television for a myriad number of reasons some of which include: entertainment, information, and education.

Text intro to “Come Dine with Me”. Photo: channel4.com

Personally, these channels seem to provide a sense of what life is made up of elsewhere in the UK apart from London where I have lived for two years and 10 months. I am constantly searching for what it means to be British through the TV box. It seems to me an endless quest because despite my television viewing of these programmes, I get minimal understanding of what Britishness is all about. Even then, I think I connect more with Britishness at least in some way by watching what is produced in Britain by British people than with the people-the Brits. Television is that tool which tells me who is British. It informs me of the different regions; it gives me the opportunity to know what accent is associated to what part of the country. I can now tell who sounds Welsh, Scottish, and English. I do get to travel quite a bit discovering new people, new ways of life and discovering what are quintessentially British which is in itself an awesome exploration and connection to Britishness-not integration.

The few programmes I watch help my understanding of the British favourite things which include landscapes, (countryside) reflected in programmes such as “Country File”, “Escape to the Country”. I know some of the British love antics, resonant in“Antic Road Show “, “Bargain Hunt”-  sports specifically football shown in programmes like the Sunday’s “Match of the day”,  politics as echoed in “Andy Marr’s Show”, not leaving out contemporary contested issues such as “The Big Question”.  This speaks to the power of television to inform people of the politics of a nation, the likes, and dislikes of a people. The television has the power to represent issues that help in the understanding of a society which also allows for integration at least mentally.

My viewing habit is pushed by simply magnificent homes. Photo: google.co.uk/escape-to-the-country

I wanted to know whether others of the “moved/mobile” (mainly because they are constantly moving from one place to another seeking a serene settlement) public understood certain aspects of Britishness through their visual box. So I visited a saloon to find out from other women who make up the “moved/mobile” publics what they watch on British television. One of the women called Faith said, “I watch BBC news, sometimes. I do not find time to watch television at all”. Needless to say her television is on from the minute she steps in to her saloon. She has the television running on for customers and not for herself, she says. The other women talk about watching the news because they want to be informed of happenings in the space in which they live and not to understand what it means to be British. It then occurred to me I am the only one probably keen in understanding what Britishness is all about via the screen. Pointless to say one cannot sufficiently grasp the entire meaning of Britishness through the box; one must create space for some sort of real socialisation as opposed to virtual socialisation enabled by social networking sites, and by visuals only.

Unlike other members of the diaspora community who do not watch BBC at all based on the reason that there is nothing in it for them. I ask myself the question; what is on the BBC programmes menu for the “moved /mobile” publics. I watched Pointless, the other day and a question was asked: the name of a football player who has scored more than five goals in the World Cup tournaments-Roger Milla of Cameroon was pointless. I said to myself “there you go!” something in it for the “moved/mobile” publics like myself. If you look for it, you will find it. I believe there is always something in it for everyone. One just needs to be attentive to their interests.

Pointless caption. Photo:google.co.uk

The BBC I would argue is one of the platforms through which diaspora members can actually integrate into their new settled communities as it provides common topics for discussion particularly when people discuss events, episodes of programmes watched on the BBC at their various points of convergence. There is so much people want to know about each other. London being the city of no man’s culture makes it difficult for people to integrate as no one is assumed to be completely British. Imagine me a Cameroonian, I call a taxi company to come fetch me from home to the station, a lady who sounds Chinese picks up the call and says “the driver is on his way”. A man, who looks Indian, comes to fetch me. In his car I listen to some radio station in Punjab, he is on the mobile speaking French to someone; I am on the phone speaking Pidgin English. As soon as I hop out, I meet the world of different people. In this melting pot of cultures all enmeshed in one city, how does one get to understand their new society and space?. The only understanding is that it is a different city with so much difference to even make any attempt to understand it.

Television is a tool I would argue which can effectively allow the “moved publics” to integrate in to their new society. The manner this can be achieved is by bringing to the BBC screen episodes of life as lived in the community of the “moved publics”. This would allow the British to know who their neighbours are; their likes and dislikes. It does matter in that it can be daunting living side by side with -people from completely different spaces and one as a social being is expected to socialise with these different peoples when basically one has no clue of who they are in reality- is it therefore the raison d’etre to socialise?. An apparently objective television broadcast of life as lived in the countries of the “moved publics”, would ease understanding and trigger the interest of the British to know their new “moved/mobile” neighbours just as they get some understanding of Britishness through their visual boxes.

And as I complete this piece I come across a documentary film on the Baka people of Cameroon on the BBC website. There is definitely something for everyone; only one has to listen and watch with complete interest.

  If I were to advice the youths of today especially during this transitional period between the old and the new dispensations I would pay attention to the spiritual and the gross material aspects of their lives. They should come to recognize that in this world of duality the human being is animated by God. In reaction to his being animated, he generates thought forms, utters words and poses acts. Consequently, the youths should know that their thoughts, their words and their deeds always weigh either in strict compliance with or against the Holy Will of God their Animator.

The youths deserve to know today more than ever before, that the relationship between man and his Animator is direct and does not require an intermediary. The same way God gives life to the individual without passing through a third person. It is therefore irrefutable that all the religions are man’s enemy number one, as far as the relationship between man and his Animator is concerned.

When the human being generates these thoughts forms, utters these words and poses those acts that are in compliance with the Holy Will of God, they get magnet closer and closer to God. When the contrary occurs, they get fleshed further and further away from the Animator. The closer one is to once Animator the more radiant one is. The further away one is from God, the less conscious and radiant one is, from the Animating radiations of God.

Each child should be grateful to his parents for having participated in his being here by giving him the physical body without which he cannot be here. Especially as one else can give them another physical body here again. Irrefutably therefore, children should manifest gratitude to their parents for the gifts of their physical bodies.

It is also important for children to know that they should not make babies until they come to know what it takes to make babies. It takes a man and a woman to make an animal physical body. But it takes a spiritually functional human being to invite those who come here to do things in strict compliance with the Holy Will of God. Otherwise the ignorant parents make bodies which Lucifer uses to his minions into this school, thus impeding the Holy Will of God, to be done here on Earth, as it is in paradise.

 To make things clearer, it is absolutely compulsory for the youths to come to recognize that every religion is based on the writing of some human beings. Therefore each religion is based on a book, because of each of these books the religious leader and their adherents struggles to lead those who listen to them, to the different religions-not to God. Therefore the gap between and God widens and deepens because of all the religions.

 Whilst they regard the books which stand at the origin of these numerous religions as the word of God, the effective presence of God passes un-noticed. In fact man erroneously regards the effective presence of God as conscience. If this concept is not correctly, a greater part of humanity will be flushed further into the nether religions, before Gods Will takes over the rule in this gross material world.

Therefore youths, become the adults of the new dispensation by thinking, talking and acting with observable integrity. The youths should come to know that the truly integral human being is one who reacts to every connection in real life situations by engaging his intellectual faculty but most especially, his intuitive faculty. Only then can God be at the centre of all the thoughts forms, the words and the deeds that mankind puts in this world today. Anything short of this, leaves the intellect that the tool most used by the human being.

You remember that the intellect stands at the origin of jealousy hatred envy, murder, wars, oppression, exploitation, genocide, materialism and the rest of such words. It the activities of the intellect are not counter balanced by that of the intuitive faculty there would never be people of integrity. And they Will of God can never be done here on earth as it is in Heaven. Therefore youths become integral.

As such the youths ought to be well informed about such acts as marriage which transcends the physical world. In this world of duality, the individual makes choices each time, concerning real life situations. Each of the choices we make influences our here and our after here. In this way, the adult who advices the youth about marriage should let him know that as far as marriage is concerned he should imagine or rule a virtual and a horizontal line where the two lines intersect each other, neither the vertical nor the horizontal line is seen. One line gets missing in the other. When this neutralization of each occurs, marriage is as natural as to transcend this world. That’s how serious marriage should be.

Youths of today also need deserving and timely advice about attitude toward sex. They should be asserted to come t the recognition of he fact that sex is an animal behavior that involves the human beings only because they are now involved in the act of making the much needed animal physical bodies that the human spirits need for their anchorage in this school that this gross material world is. It should be known that he human being gets involved in sex just to assist other human spirits to anchor here on earth. Therefore sex should be managed intellectually and especially intuitively. It should become dear to man that mans involvement in sexual activities has terminated more of human lives here than all the wars ever fought by man.

I was gardening the other day after a long while, and it dawned on me that life is all about gardening. I may be looking at it from the wrong end of the telescope, but with gardening, I noted that the unwanted weeds never grow in the same spot, which basically translates into life as enveloped with different obstacles and new opportunities with neither of the obstacles nor the great opened doors having any likeness. The weeds seemed to know where the flowers bloom as they were concentrated around the flowers I planted last spring. There is grass on the lawn but as grass falls under the same category as weed, the weeds sparingly and sparsely grow on the grassy lawn. This speaks to one’s life as people tend to be attracted around those who produce flowers especially flowers which bloom. A kind/loving heart, understanding mind, and a humane spirit are all those qualities which tend to draw people to you. The wicked hearts outnumber the kind hearts and are pulled towards the kind ones, not to learn the art of kindness, but to bring the kind ones to their grassy level.

Life is about making sure that you root out the unwanted weed, they will sprout here and there, and every now and then, but to be able to grow, bloom and produce more, you need to root out those who come not to share with you, but to stop you from being progressive.

Sometimes, the universe aligns things for us, those whom we demonise are the same ones who would pave the way forward for our progress. It can be very difficult to know who means well, worry not the universe also assist in rooting out those who have no part to play in our progress.

Through the lens of gardener, life is likened to a garden, you have the potential to design it however you imagine, life entails planting seeds, nurturing, pruning  and also involves allowing weeds to grow. The weeds make you stand out as a planted seed. The good thing about planted seeds is that, everyone recognises the difference between them and unwanted weeds.

Here is life, be the gardener, be a flower, be a weed are all dependent on you and things you let in.

Photo: Andrew Michaels…http://www.flickr.com/photos/dragontomato/3801350538/in/pool-creative_commons-_free_pictures

The above is a beautiful garden, don’t the flowers stand out?

There is a garden, a gardener, a flower, grass lawn. flower pots, pavement, walls and weeds. Which of these represent you? Tell me and I will tell you who you are.

I have not had time to scribble something since we traveled hence the late-coming. We arrived  Hotel de Crillon at Place de la Concorde in the approximate hour of 16:15 pm.  It’s winter but it does not feel anything like it inside. The hall way is filled with warmth, all lighted and bright and there is nothing but a feel of hospitality. The receptionists welcomed us to the house all smartly dressed in blue uniforms with their batches pinned to their suit tops; and written in gold writings. Their hair-dos all neatly tied in a pony tail style. Smiling at us, they ushered us to our seats where we provided them with some basic information about us. I love reading things around denotatively and so I was informed it was nothing but a routine procedure. We took the elevator to the fifth floor “et voila”, our room! Magnificent, but would have loved the presidential suit facing the Eiffel tower from the hotel. It would have been a perfect view of the New Year’s lights.

Entrance to Hotel De Crillon. Photo: Delphine G Ngehndab

Our meal was scrumptiously sumptuous. Fish eggs called ‘caviar’ and some bread with oats tasted heavenly on my taste buds as starters. It was a divine delight chewing on ‘foie gras’ for my first time (oh My God!). And to think that I would have died not trying out these rather  palatable dishes is insane. My presentation of these yummy edibles falls short of its genuine reality. The French have an ingrained culture; they can cook!.

The black stuff=caviar
spread on bread=’foie gras’ divine delight. You should place an order once

I think it’s time to start trying out how to make my simple ‘fufu and njamanjama’ taste out of this world. In all these, It just occurred to me that many people die never ever tasting these beyond-words can describe meals. What a way of ending the year fraught with so much that only God could pull us out unhurt.

Nothing beats practice. Practice is a pavement to perfection